Natural Changes In Men

What are erectile difficulties?

As men age the ability to achieve an erection is affected. An erection will take longer to achieve, and will not be as firm as in youth. Some may find it difficult to achieve an erection at all. The causes of erectile difficulties can be either psychological or physiological, with psychological causes thought to be most prevalent. The anxiety and pressure that a man might face as his body changes, may act as a catalyst for erectile difficulties. Achieving an erection becomes a process of prolonged stimulation and intimacy. It may take more vigorous manual or oral stimulation for men to get firm. Some couples find it helpful to place the flaccid penis inside the vagina as a means of stimulation. Experimenting with different forms of stimulation will increase sexual satisfaction while it helps the male to achieve an erection.

What is impotence?

Impotence is the inability to have an erection. The causes of impotence are most often psychological, although some physical ailments may contribute to erectile failure. (For a more detailed description of the causes of erectile failure, please look in our section on sexual problems.) The prospect of impotence can scare many men away from sexual intimacy, but learning how to cope with you or your partner's decreased potency can be an effective way in restoring his confidence and interest in sex.

Impotence is a condition which will affect virtually every man in his lifetime. It can be embarrassing and discouraging but it is usually temporary. Impotence normally becomes a major problem when the man feels that it is. In other words, when a man puts unnecessary pressure upon himself to perform, he usually becomes more frustrated and less able to perform. If impotence is a problem between you and your partner, there are many techniques which you can try before you go see a doctor or sex therapist.

What can be done about erectile failure?

Viagra

Undoubtedly the most-hyped drug of the last 5 years, Viagra has now been prescribed over 20 million times. If you or your partner has a type of impotence that responds to medical treatment, Viagra should be considered. It is an effective treatment and is currently thought to have few side effects. Among healthy men taking the pill, the most common side effects include headache, facial flushing and stomach upset.

Men taking a nitrate (such as nitroglycerin) for chest pain should not be prescibed Viagra. Viagra when taken in combination with nitrates can be a deadly combination.

Consult your physician for more information and to see if this treatment is right for you.

For those not eligible for Viagra, a wide array of alternative treatments exist. With a patient and understanding partner, any male can enjoy sex throughout life.

Relearning How to Stimulate

The stimulation felt by the male decreases during the aging process, therefore it may take more stimulation to create an erection. Oral or manual stimulation of his penis may be required to achieve an erection. Some men find that the only thing that will give them an erection is oral stimulation. Not only the type but the amount of stimulation may have to change as well. Some men will require almost constant stimulation of the penis to achieve an erection. If your partner finds this to be a difficult task, a vibrator could be used to give him/her a rest. A product that can help out is I.D. Pleasure, a high-market lubricant containing L-Arginine. L-Arginine is a non-essential amino acid which, through clinical testing, has been shown to enhance sexual arousal in both men and women. When ID Pleasure is applied to the clitoris, vaginal walls or penis for lubrication the L-Arginine will increase the blood flow to the region, heightening sensitivity. Heightened sensitivity, in turn, naturally results in a greater responsiveness to sexual stimulation.

Avoid pulling too aggressively on the penis, as this tends to encourage blood flow toward the body. Squeezing the tip or shaft of the penis too tightly may also reduce turgidity. While oral and manual stimulation are an effective means of attaining erection for most men, it does not work for everyone. Vaginal intercourse is the preferred method of many men. Often what works best for some couples is that the man places his flaccid penis in the woman's vagina. Then she begins to flex the vaginal muscles near the opening which can assist erection.

Reducing Stress

The most important aspect in combating impotence is to ensure that the man is comfortable. The pressure to perform can be the cause of impotence. If the man feels that he is under a lot of stress, he may have difficulty achieving erection. If the man feels relaxed then he will be more easily able to become erect.

Sexual Products

Products have been developed to help men with erectile problems. One such product is a so called "Cock Ring". Available in most sex boutiques and through mail order catalogs, the Cock Ring is an elastic rubber ring that slips over the man's partially erect penis and does not allow blood to leave. This helps to maintain the erection. Often these cock rings have some form of stimulator attached to them so that the person being penetrated gains additional stimulation. A particularly good ring is the Diving Dolphin. This blue jelly ring has two vibrating bullets that allow both partners to enjoy the stimulation during sex. If you prefer something a little more simple and without vibration, you can try the Adjustable Ring, which allows you to control the amount on pressure and fits men of any size.

Another product which you may wish to inquire about is the Prosthetic Penis Attachment (P.P.A.) This is a sleeve which fits over the partially erect penis to allow penetration to continue. They are usually attached with an elastic cord. P.P.A. are carried by many sex boutiques and mail order services.

Sex & Aging

Having a positive attitude...

We are all victims of the harmful attitudes towards older people in our society. As we age, we will have to deal with the preconceptions which now exist. Now is the time to address harmful stereotypes and insure that elderly people in the future do not have to live with the prejudices that affect them today.

Societal attitudes toward sexuality in later life are troubling. A great number believe that far fewer mature men and women have sex than actually do. Many feel that after a certain age, sexuality becomes an insignificant or indifferent part of life. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most older people experience some interest in sexual intimacy. Many people are sexually intimate well into their 80s and beyond. We do not all of a sudden become asexual beings; our capacity for sexual intimacy will be with us our entire lives. The real differences that exist lie in the way sexuality is expressed. Most anything can be a turn-on at 20, but at 60, after years of sexual experience, expressions of sexuality are more refined, more evolved. The act can be at this time can be a masterwork after years study.

What is the purpose of sex in later life?

As we all approach later life, two of the things which brought us the greatest joy - our children and/or our careers - are no longer as prevalent in our every day. This means that our personal relationships take on an increased importance. It is a way of solidifying our relationship with our partner and taking refuge from the sometimes harsh reality of the world. Sex is a way to affirm the love of life. It is an expression of the satisfaction gained from the present. It expresses the closeness of our deepest relationships and is an important measure of the quality of life.

Playing Alone Together (mutual masturbation)

Masturbation is a supplement to intercourse, rather than a replacement, in many healthy sexual relationships. Besides being extremely safe, sharing your masturbation techniques can be an intimate and productive step. It can, however, be a difficult subject broach with a partner; many people fear that their partner will interpret it as a form of rejection. But those who progressed past this point with their partners almost invariably report having very satisfactory sex lives.

Anyone in a healthy sexual relationship wants above all to please the other person. Showing or telling your partner what you like is one of the quickest routes to this goal, and should in turn provide more pleasure for both of you. Discussing these issues with your partner should prevent any feelings of awkwardness or inadequacy. Instruct your partner and try yourself to be open to instruction. Discovering how your partner reaches orgasm alone can be invaluable when you are attempting please them.

It may be intimidating at first, but masturbating in front of your partner is not only highly erotic; it is a way of sharing the most intimate and personal of activities. In this sense sharing masturbation can be an act of love rather than one of rejection.

Male Masturbation

Masturbation is one of the great delights of human existence, and relieves sexual tension that naturally builds up over time. Your body produces and accumulates semen, and wants you to ejaculate to make room for more. Sometimes this happens through nocturnal emissions, which are commonly called wet dreams.

More often it occurs through masturbation. Self-love is completely safe; it does not affect the structure or shape of your penis nor your reproductive potential, nor does it stunt your growth or lead to testicular cancer. If the stories people used to believe were true, then there would be an awful lot of blind, insane, hairy-palmed people running around!

Another common misconception is that only lonely and unpopular men and boys masturbate. This is far from the truth; anyone who tells you he doesn't masturbate probably feels guilty about his self-pleasuring and wants you to as well. This vicious cycle propagates the unfounded silence and shame that still surrounds masturbation. The fact is that both married and single people masturbate, and one’s level of masturbation does not necessarily depend on how often one has intercourse. So relax.

Boys usually start masturbating quite early, though most don’t ejaculate until around age 12 to 15. Frequency typically peaks around puberty and continues throughout adulthood, even when other forms of sexual activity are available. Still, most adolescent males are embarrassed about masturbation, and only a small percentage discusses it, even with close male friends. Many are terrified that they will be "caught in the act" by a parent, so they learn to get it over with quickly. Only later in life do they learn that the ability to delay orgasm is very important to maximizing sexual pleasure -- all those "quickie" techniques must be unlearned.

Similarly, some adult men try to hide their masturbation from their partners, believing that it might be viewed as a form of rejection. But men who have progressed past this point with their partners almost invariably report having a very satisfactory sex life.

Techniques:

Men employ a variety of masturbation techniques. The simplest is to wrap your fingers around the shaft of your penis, like holding a baseball bat, and rub it up and down. This provides a lot of contact between your hand and the penis the more contact, the more pleasure. There are innumerable variations on this basic technique; experimentation is key. The backhand grip, for instance, is a little difficult at first, but feels great once mastered.

Speed and pressure are completely dependent on what you like. Concentrating at first on the base of the penis and avoiding the tip helps sustain an erection, and is a basic technique for delaying ejaculation. Though most men begin with penile stimulation, the entire groin area becomes more sensitive to the touch during masturbation. Other parts of the body, such as the nipples, can also make masturbation more intense. Naturally, fantasies also add to the pleasure.

If you're looking to up the ante, you should explore the world of sex toys. One of them is bound to provide the stimulation you're looking for. One of the better toys on the market is the Vibrating Oro Stimulator. Alternatively, if you prefer a different sort of design, there are more realistic styled toys such as Cyber Snatch.

Many men use a lubricant. If you are uncircumcised you may not find much need for it, but it really is a matter of personal choice. If you are circumcised and chose not to use lube, you can grip the penis firmly and move the top layer of skin (most effective if the skin is a bit loose), or you can grip lightly and slide your fingers/hand across the surface of the shaft. Be aware, however, that your penis can become raw and sore. Lubricants will solve this problem and make the sensation more intense.

It is not advisable, however, to use household products like shampoo or soap as lubricants. They often irritate and dry out the skin, they sting if they contact the urethra, and they may be oil based, which is unsafe if intercourse with a condom is to follow. Vaseline is great in theory, but again is oil based and a real pain to clean up. The best lubes are water-based gels such as K-Y or the Wet lube products: they have a perfect consistency, clean up easily and will not destroy condoms, so they are best if you are having intercourse afterwards. The only disadvantage is that they dry out quite quickly, so you may need to reapply. Pre-ejaculate is also an excellent lubricant, although the supply may be somewhat limited.

Female Masturbation

Historically, the stigma surrounding masturbation has been skewed against women. The Kinsey Report of 1948 – the first thorough study of human sexual habits found that 92% of males reported having masturbated, as opposed to 62% of females. Perhaps the classic Victorian view of the pure and proper lady laid the foundation for the shame and silence that is more associated with female than with male masturbation.

Females tend to start masturbating later in life than men. This might partly be due to the stigma but it may also be due to the fact that the penis is simply more accessible than female genitalia, and males begin handling their genitals as early as toilet training. As females move from a subordinate role in society towards one of equality, they have become more empowered sexually. As early as the late 1900s, feminists began to speak about their sexuality and encouraged women to find out exactly what they like.

The Kinsey Report challenged many other myths surrounding masturbation, finding that "Masturbation was the most important sexual outlet for single females and the second most important sexual outlet or married females, providing 7-10% of orgasms for those 16-40 years." These findings are significant because they tell us that marital status has very little to do with a woman's masturbatory habits.

Other myths include that which compels many women to hide their masturbation from their partners. Masturbation is a supplement to intercourse, not necessarily a replacement, in many healthy sexual relationships. Reassuring your partner of this can prevent possible feelings of rejection and inadequacy. It might be intimidating at first, but allowing your partner to watch you masturbate can be a very powerful and empowering step. Showing them or being able to tell them what you like will help both of you get the most out of your sex life.

Techniques

The external female genitals are called the vulva. Pubic hair grows on the labia majora or outer vaginal lips; inside are the labia minora, which are pinker and moister. If your own genitals are not familiar to you, you might examine them in a hand mirror while bathing or showering. The clitoris is found where the labia minora join at the top. This highly sensitive pink knob is about the size of a pea and is protected by a hood, which retracts during sexual arousal. Below the clitoris is the tiny opening of the urethra, through which urine passes, and below that is the opening to the vagina.

Masturbation is best when you have plenty of time and when you won't be interrupted. Go somewhere private, quiet and warm. Beyond that, it's completely up to you: some women like to lie on their back, some on their front; some like their legs pressed tightly together, while others like them spread wide apart or propped above the body. Using a lubricant can help while you explore with your fingers or an object such as a vibrator. Experimentation is the key.

Women who need prolonged clitoral stimulation are encouraged to experiment with a vibrator. For some, a vibrator is the only way to reach climax. Women looking for a simple, inexpensive vibrator will want to try the Waterproof Delight. As the name suggests, this vibrator is completely waterproof, allowing you to bring it in the shower or bathtub. Explore your erogenous zones and discover what truly pleases you.

The most common method is to caress and massage the clitoris to orgasm; the clitoris may be covered by skin or partially exposed, so take some time to explore this area carefully. How much and what kind of stimulation works best varies widely from woman to woman, but beginners are encouraged to explore and lightly touch the genital area for pleasure spots, and to stroke and caress these spots as they find them.

Experiment with pressure and speed: many women find the clitoris too sensitive for direct stimulation at first, so you might begin by rubbing the whole vulva before gradually moving to the clitoris with delicate fingers. Combine this stimulation with caressing, massaging and touching of other erogenous areas for maximum pleasure: the breasts, thighs, vaginal lips and vagina itself can all add to the experience.

Some women are able to masturbate by repeatedly squeezing their thighs together and releasing, often with their legs crossed at the knees. The advantages of this are obvious: it can be done discreetly, and it frees up the hands for other things. Contracting the thighs and vaginal muscles often makes clitoral stimulation more intense and pleasurable.

Another popular technique is the "waterfall." Many women enjoy this stream-of-water technique, which is most commonly done in a bathtub with the faucet running, or in the shower with a removable head. Set the water to a comfortable temperature (usually warm) and level of force, and have the water flow directly over the clitoris. This should provide enough pressure to stimulate the clitoris and other erogenous areas to orgasm.

One important note. While vibrators and other stimulators are an excellent way to masturbate, it is never advisable to use household objects. Not only is this unsafe and unhygienic, but a trip to the hospital for removal could be very embarrassing! Vibrators and dildos are safer, more reliable, and almost guarantee orgasm. Vibrators and dildos are also advised for those women who desire intense, continuous stimulation. The Eroscillator II Top Deluxe is a top-of-the-line vibrator endorsed by Dr. Ruth. Any woman experiencing orgasmic difficulty will greatly benefit from this wonderful device.

When you feel a gathering tension in the vaginal area and a build-up of warmth, orgasm is on the way. Don't let up, as if you stop these sensations will fade and it might be difficult to get them back again. The clitoris will become increasingly sensitive whether you are stimulating it directly or not, and then orgasm will break out with waves of vaginal contractions. Most women like some form of genital contact during orgasm: either continued stimulation by inserting a finger or simply by pressing or holding the vaginal area.

Learning to masturbate is in many ways taking control of your sexuality. It is the best way to learn how to orgasm, and knowing your own anatomy and sexual responses is key to enjoying great sex with a partner. Self-love is safe, natural and healthy, and will keep you in touch with your sexual challenges, needs and desires.

A Brief History of Masturbation

Masturbation has been frowned upon throughout history and in nearly ever culture. In ancient times of high infant mortality and low life expectancy, stigmas about self-love were rooted in the belief that it endangered the survival of the species. Men were also believed to have a finite amount of sperm, and thus masturbation was thought of as wasteful. Of course, the 50,000 sperm men produce per minute are more than enough to go around!

Masturbation was also associated with many physical symptoms; psychiatrist Benjamin Rush called it "self-pollution," claiming that it caused headaches, epilepsy, nosebleeds, memory loss, heart murmurs, blindness, and even psychosis. In the 1800s, Sylvester Graham led a health food crusade based on the idea that sexual excess including masturbation, erotic dreams and intercourse more than once a month was caused by rich and spicy foods. He prescribed a bland and boring diet; the Graham cracker, in fact, is a sweetened version of his invention. Corn Flakes were originally designed by John Harvey Kellogg to promote health and decrease sex drive!

In the Victorian Era it was commonly held that, unlike any decent woman, men had an excess of sexual desire and lust. Extramarital sex, homosexuality, oral sex and masturbation were gravely taboo. This is not to say that this side of human sexuality disappeared, of course; it was simply denied, discouraged and condemned. Masturbation is still forbidden today in certain religions and cultures, and even punished or prevented through castration and female circumcision in some areas of the world. As late as 1940, a pediatric text in the US proclaimed masturbation and any other non-reproductive erotic outlet as harmful to the growth of society.

Today we live in a time of overpopulation, when sexuality is no longer tied exclusively to reproduction. We now know that masturbation does not cause disease; in fact, it is widely believed to promote health and well-being. Most problems associated with self-love today are psychological; many people still suffer needlessly from guilt, shame and feelings of isolation.

The 1948 Kinsey Report showed that intercourse, let alone masturbation, was an activity as much to do with pleasure as it was to do with procreation. It turned many ideologies on their ears and raised a great deal of controversy. If the vast majority of the population had masturbated, then why should anyone be ashamed of it? Though not completely "out of the closet" or accepted across cultural barriers, it is increasingly accepted as a natural, healthy, and fundamental part of human development and sexuality.

Anal Toys

What are anal toys?

Anal toys are adult toys used to stimulate the nerve endings in the rectum.

As children many of us may have learned that the rectum is a dirty, forbidden place. What many of us did not learn is that the anus is an erogenous zone for both men and women. So it comes as no surprise that anal toys have a certain stigma attached to them.

The rectum contains a collection of nerves which are used in the excretion process. Stimulating these nerves produces deep, pleasurable sensations. Anal toys provide a unique opportunity to explore these nerves and prostate stimulation. The prostate gland is associated with the nerves that trigger orgasm in the male and when it is massaged, the results can be electrifying.

How do I shop for anal toys?

When purchasing anal toys, examine what it is you want from the toy. Don't think you can fit something huge up your rectum if you've never tried to before. Look for anal toys which suit your lifestyle and desires. Be wary of products which could be potentially dangerous unless you know how to use them. These include fisting devices, spiked dildos and hard dildos. Such products can tear or puncture the rectum and colon if not used properly, and in the case of loosely connected anal beads, become lodged in the anus and have to be surgically removed. Look for anal toys that are sturdy, soft to the touch, pliable, rounded and come with an enlarged flange or handle at the end. When relaxed you'd be surprised how easily toys can get lost in the anal cavity.

First Timer?

Finding that first anal toy is challenging. There are so many to choose from and most people just don't know where to start. For all you first timers out there, we recommend the Little Flirt. This plug is manufactured from pure silicone, the best material for sex toys because of its non-porous surface and lifelike texture. Silicone is also extremely hygienic: to sterilize after use, just put the Little Flirt in boiling water for 30 seconds. A small, beautifully designed toy that is perfect for starters.

More experienced? Try the Big Flirt or an Invigorator

Type of stimulation

Butt plugs and other anal toys (used for masturbation and anal stimulation) often have ridges which further stimulate the nerves in the anus. When shopping for a butt plug make sure that it has a wide base which will not allow it to slip into your rectum. Look carefully at what the plug is made from and its shape. There are some plugs which profess to follow the natural curve of your rectum but since each body is a bit different you may wish to avoid any plug that enters the body more than 4 inches. Try to find a plug that is made of a somewhat soft material that will bend while it is in your rectum. Silicone and jelly butt plugs are usually a good place to start.

Another product which slowly stimulates the anus are anal beads. Sometimes referred to as "Oriental Love Beads" this anal toy looks like a bunch of marbles connected by a string. These beads are inserted into the rectum and are then slowly removed and pleasure arrives as each bead is pulled out of the opening. Some people enjoy having the beads removed at the point of climax. For men the stimulation of the prostate during orgasm can be extremely gratifying. When shopping for love beads make sure that the string connecting the beads is strong. Usually nylon cord is the best material for the beads. Additionally, you may find that the beads have some rough edges. These edges must be smoothed out before they are used to minimize cuts to the anus.

Other toys work as well

Toys which are thought to be for vaginal stimulation can be extremely satisfying when used anally. Electric vibrators can give intense stimulation to the outer regions of the anus which are very receptive to stimulation. Dildos are also generally acceptable for anal use. When shopping for a safe dildo intended for anal use, remember to look for a product with a wide bottom to prevent it from becoming lodged in the rectum. Also remember to find a product which is soft and pliable, to put the least amount of stress on the delicate tissue lining the rectum.

How do I use anal toys?

Anal toys are a safe form of enjoyment provided you use common sense and take the necessary precautions.

• use lubricant each and every time (we recommend Astroglide)

• always use toys with a flared base or handle

• if you are sharing your anal toys, cover the toy with a condom

• be gentle and try to follow the natural curve of the rectum

• if there is any pain, remove the toy and try again when you're more relaxed

• relax, relax, relax

• NEVER insert anything sharp into your rectum